Change Can Be a Bear

I have joined the millions of people who have watched The Bear and there’s a reason it’s so popular. It’s really well done, from the writing to the performances to the blocking of complicated scenes in a very tight kitchen. There’s an intense, frenetic energy as Jeremy Alan’s Carmy tries to turn around his late brother’s local sandwich shop. He inherits the lunch spot and returns home to Chicago after traveling the world and earning a Michelin star in a fancy restaurant in New York. 

He inherits not only the restaurant but its long-time staff who have various reactions to the changes Carmy tries to implement to bring the restaurant up to what might be the bare minimum of health, safety, and quality standards. Carmy and his right-hand Sydney know what the restaurant can look like and have to take a group of employees who have been doing their jobs for years, decades in some cases, and help them see what is possible. As I watched the show, I thought about how changing an organization can run into so many obstacles when trying to change behavior and culture. 

1. Invest in your employees’ development

2. Give freedom within the parameters of the new model

3. Everyone can fit into the new culture if they choose to

Invest in Development

Tina is one of Carmy’s biggest challenges. She refuses to wear the new apron, refuses to call Sydney “chef”, and actively sabotages Sydney’s prep work. She often reminds Carmy and Sydney that she’s been doing her job for decades and they don’t have anything to teach her. As the changes Carmy implements start making things work more smoothly in the restaurant, Tina begins to see the light and gets on board. Carmy then decides to send her to culinary school and her eyes are opened to how a kitchen can be run and what she can truly do if she is willing to accept some guidance. As she begins to see the bigger picture, Sydney promotes her to sous chef and they become invaluable to each other. 

Give Freedom, Set Boundaries

Marcus is the underused pastry chef who is all about creativity and new things. He is so tired of making the same desserts every day and is so excited to be given free reign that he spends hours educating himself with videos and experimenting with all kinds of desserts. However, he gets so wrapped up in playing that he sometimes forgets to make sure he’s got desserts ready for daily service. Carmy has to remind him that there’s a place for having fun, but the regular work still has to get done. Not all employees want the freedom of experimentation. When you have some who do, that means there is something in them that needs that creative freedom in order to feel motivated and engaged. Those are your innovators and the last thing you want to do is squelch their creativity. Encourage them and help them thrive and keep accountability mechanisms in place to ensure that the “regular” work gets done as well.

Everyone Can Have a Place

So many times, an employee’s resistance to change is rooted in fear that they don’t have a place in the new world their leaders want to build. This was Ritchie, the front counter guy who was the face of the restaurant. He knew everything, everyone, knew how everything worked, and he was actively opposed to everything Carmy wanted to do. His biggest fear was about where he would fit into the new system. Would he have a place at all?

Carmy answered this question by sending him to the finest restaurant in Chicago to shadow their head of staff. He’s asked to wear a suit and tie every day and show up on time. He reluctantly agrees and as he watches what goes on, he begins to understand what hospitality looks like in a high-end restaurant and how it’s not just a job but it’s really his calling. He learned how he could take what he loved to do and turn it up to 11 and make the restaurant stand out from their competitors. 

As the executive chef, Carmy noticed what each person did well, and showed them where they would fit into their new roles by upskilling them and reigniting their passion for their work. He made sure they had the freedom to experiment within the parameters of the restaurant mission and he made sure they all found their place in the new format. 

Of course, it’s TV and everything works out beautifully. In real life, there is a lot more to change management, but the principles here still stand. Investing in your people to help them learn the new behaviors you want, giving autonomy, and helping them see their place in the new system will make the change go more smoothly.

On Air Travel and Codependence

I am fortunate to be on a fabulous international vacation right now, exploring a new country and experiencing the culture. In order to get here I had long layovers in both London and Madrid. The London layover was just a few hours, but the Madrid layover was overnight and I got a hotel room near the airport to be safe. It turns out the Madrid airport is kind of massive - like it’s its own city massive. By the time I got to my hotel, it was 2 hours after my flight landed and I didn’t get to bed until after 1 am. I had a rough time going to sleep and snoozed through my alarm for a couple of hours before actually waking up. I jumped to life about 2 hours before my flight was to depart. After having navigated that behemoth the night before, I knew there was no way I would make my flight. Fortunately, there were lots of available flights and I was able to spend a bit more (but not too much) to hop on the next flight and get to my destination on time.

We have a family friend who used to joke that he had an arrangement with the airlines that if he didn’t get to the airport in time for his flight, they could just go ahead and go one without him. I have that same agreement, as it turns out. My Iberia Airlines flight went on without me. And that was fine. When I went to the service desk to explain my predicament they pretty much yelled at me, throwing up their hands and asking “WHY DID YOU MISS THE FLIGHT? THEY ARE WAITING FOR YOU!?!”

One of the better definitions of co-dependency that I’ve heard is that it’s the need to prevent other people (or another person) from experiencing the consequences of their actions. This includes, explaining, covering, making excuses, etc.

“He’s been working a lot lately”

“She’s not been sleeping well”

“They just need to let off a little steam”

I have friends and clients who have strong Relationship Building themes, and, when unchecked, they can be used in a way that is a barrier to setting healthy boundaries. This, in turn, can lead to allowing some bad behavior in others. Sometimes putting up boundaries (i.e., allowing the person you love to experience the consequences of their actions) can seem unkind. I would argue that what is really unkind is allowing someone to persist in behavior that is hurting them.

A popular meme that has gone around the self-help community states that the only people. who are bothered by you setting boundaries are the ones who benefit from you not having them. Setting boundaries doesn’t mean that you don’t love someone. On the contrary - it means you love them so much that you want them to make better choices for themselves. It’s not easy. But just like the safety briefing on the airplane tells us, put on your own mask before helping others. Self-care isn’t selfish; it’s refilling your own supply so you can give more to the people you love.

Iberia Airlines, and all the other airlines for that matter, are not co-dependent. They have boundaries that are known as schedules. They say that if you are not here on time, you cannot board the aircraft. If you really need to go to that location, you need to pay for another ticket. This time I was lucky - there were lots of flights I could have chosen and other than paying a relatively nominal fee, I did not experience major consequences. I return home later next week and I have another overnight layover in Madrid. This time, I do not have lots of flight options back home. Missing that flight will have major consequences. I’ll be setting multiple alarms AND requesting a wake-up call. Working with the airline within their boundaries will make this a mutually beneficial partnership that will get me home to my pup, my work, and my garden. Everybody wins.